Perspective

     So my last post has brought around a lot of conversation in my household about what a parents roles is in their child’s life should be and needs to be.  Not really what I intended, but it has been great!  But yesterday for me brought it all into perspective.  As I sat just out of eye line to my husband and son I hear them begin to read one of his favorite Dr. Seuss book, it sounded like this…”My eyes see..your eyes see, Hudson where are your eyes? Good boy! Where is your nose? Good boy, I love you” and then the sound of the best kind of kiss in the world, I forehead kiss.  I wish I would have had my camera so that I could sneak up and get a picture of the two of them snuggled in on the couch spending time together.  It then occurred to me how one tiny moment it time is so wonderful and precious.  It those moments when no one is supposed to be paying any attention that end up being the best.  The times when Hudson doesn’t realize that we are watching him and he is dancing or giving one of is animals a kiss, these are the moments that come and go so quickly that I want to cherish forever.  I know that we are going to continue to need to trust in God’s and lean on Him for help and guidance as we navigate parenting, but as long as he keeps giving me these two second moments, I am up for the challenge. 

Here are some more moments that were caught unexpectedly that I figured went well in this post. 

Tara

Much Needed Three Day Weekend

Written while on a much needed vacation to San Diego two weekends ago.  It took me this long to add the pictures 

     So this last week has been especially hard for me at work. It has been no secret that I have been questioning my career choice. When teachers go into teaching we enter the classroom with over the moon ideals and aspirations that are soon lost in the midst of paper work, parent conferences, mandatory curriculum, training, and programs that you see no purpose in, and for me TESTING . I don't want to become the teacher that teaches the same thing year after year with no passion. I taught with a woman my first year that had each month of school in a Tupperware that she brought out year after year without any consideration for students needs, interests, or any teachable moments. Unfortunately I have worried that on the spectrum of teachers I am closer to her than I am to where I was a few years ago. People have dismissed it saying because I am now a parent my life has changed. However, that is not it, I am bitter and angry at where education and parents have allowed children to fall through the cracks. Teachers are so bound up by district initiatives, programs, and BS we are left as trained monkeys. So enough about that.... The point is this week I got a glimmer of hope! Without getting into specifics I have a kiddo that over Christmas break that has gone through more than any kid should have to deal with at age 11. He has become a victim of grown ups mistakes and is paying the price for stupid, selfish parents. Instead of getting mad and wanting to hunt these parents down and give them and good come to Jesus slap, I realized I can't be done with teaching when I care this much about a kid. I'm not saying I'm not going to need a change, but looking at different degree programs is probably not the answer.
Which brings me to the reason for this post which is very different from most others.... My vow to Hudson! We make vows to our spouses to love, honor, and cherish when we get married, but what about our kids?? This week has brought some things to my attention so here are my vows to my son.
Hudson I can't promise that these will never be broken but I will do my absolute best to keep these promises to you
I vow...

• To never start the day with a fight. Nothing you could do is so bad that it has to be dealt with first thing in the morning before you are sent off to school where you need to be your best. (I reserve the right to retract this one when you become a teenager)
• To remember that you are a kid and although you may seem mature at some point, you never need to know my worries.  You will be my son not my best friend who I share adult content with.
• To pick you up on time. You will never wonder if you have been forgotten.  If I say I’m going to be somewhere, by God, I will move mountains and do my best to be there.  
• I will say I love you as much as possible, not just as a good bye, but first thing in the morning and before you go to bed
• To make sure you "feel" more important than my job, social life, or anything else. I vow to show you not just tell you you are.
• To belittle you at home or in public.  I’m sure there will be times that I want to string you up by your toes, but just because I’m upset it does not give me the right to hurt your feelings on purpose.   
• Never lay a hand on you in anger. Of course I can hurt you I'm bigger than you, but why would I want to?? If hitting kids was such a good discipline tactic teachers and day care providers would be allowed to do it. Now there's a thought :)
• Remember that mistakes are part of learning. I can't raise the bar so high that you can't reach it and you feel like your a disappointment who can never please me.  You already please me more than should be humanly possible
• Most importantly, to say I’m sorry when I screw up.  I will make mistakes (probably big ones) and say and do things that are not always right.  I am human just like you are, but just because I am the adult it doesn’t mean I can’t admit when I’m wrong or I’ve made a mistake. 

All I can say is thank God for three day weekends. This one was needed! Spending time as a family is just what the mental health provider ordered. We went to my two favorite places, the San Diego Zoo and Sea World. The highlight is when we visited the monkeys, gorillas, and orangutans and asked Hudson "What does the monkey say?" and he said "Ahhh- Mmmm-Ahhhh- Mmmmm". Although we practice all the animals he likes them the best. His Little People monkey went everywhere with him that day and every once in a while you'd hear Ahhh- Mmmm-Ahhhh- Mmmmm from the inside the stroller. Even when we went to Sea World monkey had to be there.

We were so fortunate that all the animals were so active and up front and personal so Hudson was able to see everything.

Again another trip he'll never remember but I'll never forget.
Thanks Hudson for reminding me of the key to paradise.