Old posts that I couldn't figure out how to add

5/27 TEETH!!!! Yikes

I could swear the other day Hudson bit me, but when I looked inside his mouth I saw nothing.  Little did I know that I had to put my hand in his mouth and ta-da teeth.  Luckily he went to spend the day with nana and she discovered the teeth.  He was such a good teether I wouldn't have even noticed.  Hopefully the rest f his teeth can come in that easily

 

5/12 Crawling

I’m not sure if you can call it crawling, but Hudson is on the move!  I guess it is more like a commando crawl.  He pulls himself around with his arms leaving his legs in place.  He looks as if he is trying to sneak up on an enemy camp.  I am so not prepared for him to be on the move which is not like me.  Usually I am ahead of the game, fully prepared, and ready for the next milestone. I guess I need to get it together.

 

4/10
So Hudson says Da-Da.  Not just once but over and over and over again.  Don’t get me wrong its adorable and Jeremy is thrilled, but I feel a little slighted.  Da-Da, Da-Da, Da-Da all day today.  What about Ma-Ma? It’s a good thing he is so cute.

01/03/2011

Back to work today.  I anticipated it to be a whole lot worse and hardly slept at all last night.  I was so concerned that I couldn’t balance getting up, getting me ready, getting Hudson ready, feeding me and feeding Hudson all before dropping him off at Rhonda’s.  The only bright side is that I am so blessed that I know my son is going to be so well taken care of while I am stuck at work all day.  I couldn’t even take him out of the car seat.  I dropped him off and ran out the door before the waterworks started.  I thought about him all day and couldn’t wait until the day was over.  I remember people saying to me while I was on maternity leave that “Going to work will be good, it will give you adult time.”  Who needs adult time????  There is not one single adult at work that I would rather spend my time with than my boy.  I didn’t miss the adult conversations that go on in the teacher’s lounge, the sad state of our school system, or other people’s children’s issues one bit.  I could spend every day with Hudson.  Every day brings something new that is far more exciting than anything that happens in room 6 from 8:10 to 3:40.  When that bell rang it must have looked like I was on fire.  I grabbed my bag and ran for my car.  I am going to have to be careful that I don’t get speeding tickets on my way home.  My car can’t get to him fast enough!  I walk in the door and there he is with dad smiling away.  Probably hasn’t missed me half as much as I missed him. I hope dropping him off gets easier with time and doesn’t feel like my heart is being wrenched out of my body.

12/17

Back to the hospital hopefully for our last time.  They are removing the stint that was placed to keep his ureter open.  I am not nearly as stressed about this hospital visit.  I am told this is a quick 10 minute procedure and we don’t even have to spend the night.   As soon as the stint is removed Hudson smiles.  On the ride home sitting in his car seat he seems happier.  I am so thankful that we have such a great doctor that was able to catch this issue while he was still young and no lasting damage would occur. 

01/27/10- 11/16/10- combined
The Beginning…


For those of you that know me I am terrible with my phone.  I was keeping a journal since the day I found out I was pregnant on a app on my phone and poof, one day it was gone.  And of course I hadn't hooked my phone to the computer to save anything in months.  So here I go to try to catch up on all the things that happened lately.

It’s amazing that in a few months I have experienced joy that I never thought possible and fear that was paralyzing.   On the day Hudson was born there was an automatic connection.  When I first saw him, I looked down into his big blue eyes and I was hooked.  I was in love, no doubt, and immediately I couldn’t imagine my life without him.  He already had me wrapped around his tiny little finger, and boy are they tiny.  When everyone had left and it was just the three of us, as exhausted as we all were from the day, I couldn’t help but stay up and look at him sleeping, staring in absolute awe.  He is so beautiful, such a gift, I am the luckiest person in the world.  I have had good days, even great days, but none of them compare to that day.  I was oddly calm as we showed up to the hospital, checked in, and waited for the doctor to break my water.  I was ready!  And now he is here and I have found the key to paradise. 

Then on November 16, 2010 came a fear I never thought possible.  Two months ago was the best day of my life and now it is my worst.  We knew when Hudson was born that not only was his left kidney low, but that we may have to be facing this day, surgery, so it's not like this is a surprise.  After multiple tests, one of which he was injected with radioactive material so that they could watch fluid go through his kidney, bladder, and ureters, surgery became a reality.  We have exhausted all other avenues and this is what is left.  We have met with the doctor, who I trust, and I think that I have my mind wrapped around all this. but nothing I could have done prepared me for this.  I have experienced fear, sadness, and worry but when it is your child it is something very different.  Every second was agony as we waited for the doctors to come and talk to us about the three hour surgery they are about to do.  I almost lost it when the anesthesiologist moseyed on over like it was nothing.  You’re putting my brand new, less that 2 month old, baby under general anesthesia, you’d think you can be on time, and not talk about it like it’s no big deal.  But I let Jeremy do all the talking and I let the man live, but just barely.  Had I not been told that he was good, one of the best, and has worked with our doctor for years I might not have been so understanding.  Then, the image that will forever be in my head, the image of the nurse coming in to the little pre-op room where we were waiting with a baby that hadn’t eaten and didn’t understand why not, letting us know they were ready, and scooping him up and taking him away.  It happened so fast I didn’t have time to react.  I started to follow after but Jeremy grabbed my hand and I looked up and him and knew.  We couldn’t go any further.  My heart broke instantly.  I looked at Jeremy for reassurance, he had to be just as scared as I was, and yet he gave it.  He promised me everything would be okay, and even though I know he can’t possibly know how this will turn out.  It is comforting.  I guess I have to focus on the positive, when this is all over hopefully Hudson’s discomfort will end and he will be a happier baby.  

The operation took forever in parent time.  At one point the same nurse that “stole” my baby came out.  She called out "Hudson Miller" and you would have thought Jeremy and I were electrocuted.  Without thought we were out of our chairs and standing in front of her.  She was there  to let us know that they were almost done with “The biggest surgery on the smallest patient”, not reassuring, and things were going well.  Finally we met with our doctor who told us all went well, he was coming out of anesthesia now and we will be able to see him soon.  Our poor families sat out in the waiting room while we were talking to the doctor, not knowing anything.  None of us will feel good about this whole thing until we see him.  When Jeremy and I are given permission to see him we walk in to the post op area and I can hear him before I can see him.  He is not happy.  Before I was a parent I thought babies cried and they all sounded similar.  But as every parent knows you can pick your child’s cry out among all others.  It is distinct and when you hear it, it send a pulse down your pack especially when they are in pain.  They tell me they swallow a lot of air during surgery and that it will take a while for him to get back to normal.  He is also very swollen from the anesthesia and all I can do is hold him close, which is very difficult because he has more cords and tubes than I was prepared for.  Seeing him in this way is almost too much to handle.  I feel guilty sending our family a picture of him like this.  Will this be comforting at all, but I do.  I figured it made me feel better to see him, maybe the same will be true for them.  Thankfully my family was there through the whole thing pre-operation, surgery, post operation, and finally when they gave us the room we would spend the next two days .  Their prayers and support was felt and needed.  It’s amazing what you can handle when you have a great family and husband by your side.  I'd like to think this is the hardest thing that I will have to deal with as a parent.  We'll see, if not I have to believe it will be in the top 3.