Can't hardly believe it's been a year since I have had time to post. Not surprising since so many things have changed and happened in a year. Professionally, I changed grade levels from fifth to first, personally, we bought a new home, and had a new baby boy. All in all it is been a fantastic year with more ups than downs by far. With these changes comes new challenges. I once again found myself feeling like a brand-new teacher.  I found myself spending a lot more time on lessons and creating new and interesting ways to teach our wonderful new standards (is my sarcasm coming through?). Even with the large amount of time spent on Pinterest and teacher pay teachers I am loving every minute of it. Not to mention I love my grade level. What a great group of women that have really helped me this year and have become some of my closest friends. Being a homeowner again creates new challenges as well. There always seems to be a project or to do list that Jeremy and I have to tackle, more Jeremy than I. And then of course having an infant in the house again...the real reason for this post.

I began thinking about writing this in the middle of the night when I was most certainly sleep deprived.  I had this grand idea that I was going to be REALLY honest about what it was like to bring home the second baby and this was my chance to lay it all out there.  But the truth is, this is my reminder.  I want to remember now because before too long this stage will be over and in the middle of the night when I'm at my wits end, doing my best to keep my eyes open, trying in vain not to fall asleep while feeding Rowen for the hundredth time, this will serve as my reminder. 
It all began with the preparation.... We made sure we included Hudson in as much of the decision making as we prepared for our newest family member, he picked out baby clothes, helped decorate, and even went to ultrasounds. He seemed ready. Toward the end he asked daily when "brother" was coming. Then one morning a woke up and new it was the day. As I was driving Hudson to Nana's so I could head into work (I know, what was I thinking???? work really????) I asked Hudson if it was ok that brother comes to live with if today and his response was "Ya, ok, sure!"  So he seemed ready.  Not sure what I would have done had he said no.  He was ready to be a big brother, and even made sure his big brother shirt was ready.

Now we are 6 weeks in and Hudson is great! He's very concerned when "baby brother" cries. He pats him on the head and sings to him. He makes me so proud. He seems to understand that I have to care for Rowen at times, and I try to work in Hudson and me alone time everyday, but some days that is just not possible. He'll say "brother needs Mama time" when he cries I have to feed him. I know, I know, it seems like he always needs Mama time is what I want to say. Once again I'm in the stage of feeding every two hours, if I'm lucky, and not being able to put him down because he's like a reverse baby doll. Instead of closing his eyes when you lay him down, Rowen's eyes open the second I try to put him down. There are nights where I think they have conspired against us. When one falls asleep the other is awake. A cycle that seems never ending.  And just when I'm about to lose it completely I remember this too shall pass. Sounds like a cliche and I know right now it doesn't feel like it, and when I fall asleep only to get back up again, or have to get up at 5:30 just to shower before the house wakes up, I feel like a zombie, but this will all be over soon. Before you know it I won't be up in the middle of the night holding a baby and rocking them, I'll be up worrying my boys are safe and making good choices.  My sons will no longer need me in the middle of the night, they will just no longer need me. I'll be able to get up and shower in peace and actually eat sitting down, but it's only because I don't have these two precious ones who need me. Being needed is exhausting but I'm going to try to relish it. I want to remember that snuggle time is all but gone with Hudson already, unless he is sick and he's not even four. So although when Rowen will only sleep while I'm holding him, it may be inconvenient it is also a blessing that I'm going to enjoy while I can. Even today as I try to wrap this up I wasn't able to shower until two this afternoon, but it is because my day began with both boys in my bed, then a walk around the neighborhood where Hudson pedaled his Radio Flyer and I talked with never met before neighbors, then we spent some time in the backyard playing soccer.  I even helped wash an excavators and a bulldozer.  I then made lunch, fed both boys, and got ready for a nap, praying both boys would sleep at the same time. So although I never ate breakfast and showered at two there is not one of activities I would give up. Before long I will be able to shower alone and when I want to, but it will be because the activities of today are replaced by two independent boys that want to do things without me.  So when I have heard Mama for the millionth time in five minutes, or I haven't brushed my teeth I want to remember I am needed and wanted for now.  More importantly I need to remember that while I take care of two wonderful boys, Jeremy is doing all that, and then taking care of me.  When I've been up every hour so has he. He's changed every middle of the night diaper, only to get up and go to work. Probably a break for him.  Then he comes home to me and his first words are, "How was your day?" or "Do you need anything?".  I probably have this desperate look in my eye with my hair half brushed but he still says I'm beautiful (he's a great liar) and he loves me.  I want to remember that as bad as I may feel I am not without him and his support.  I am a lucky woman.

For now , when they need something they will call for us, over and over and over again, but I am going to enjoy it while I can.  Mama time ROCKS!